Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
