super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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