I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
