legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
