She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
