Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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