I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
