Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
