So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
