Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
