Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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