She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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