he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
