no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
