I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
