My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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