Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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