Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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