i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
