Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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