i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
