Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
