Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then my night got REAL pukey
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
