i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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