can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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