highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
