I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
