I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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