You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i've created a new STD.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
