How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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