is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
