They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
