Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
