Just fell off a train. Bad.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
