My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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