i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
