he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
