How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
