I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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