it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
