C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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