So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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