He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
