Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
