A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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