Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
