PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
