oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
