thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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