It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did I show you my penis last night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
