I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i believe in u and ur pee
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