Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
