We are two peas in an std pod
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
