Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
