So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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