We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize