I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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