so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
