Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
