if only i could text you this smell
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize