okay pat passed out under dana's car
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
