She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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