I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
