Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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