ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I lost the right to judge tonight
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
