I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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