Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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