So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
