I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize