Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
