70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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