Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
