we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
